Islam & the Modern World · Family, Marriage & Divorce
Parents in old age
In short
- 1.The Qur'an pairs worship of God with kindness to parents in the same sentence, more than once.
- 2.It forbids even saying "uff" — the smallest sound of irritation — to an ageing parent.
- 3.Loneliness in old age is now a measured public health issue in the UK; Islam's answer is structural, not sentimental.
The claim being examined
In much of the West, care for elderly parents has been transferred from the family to the state and the care-home industry.
The Islamic position
The Qur'an places kindness to parents immediately after the worship of God, and forbids even a word of impatience to them.
Analysis
Q 17:23-24 is one of the most striking passages in the Qur'an on family duty: worship of God alone is commanded, and in the same breath ihsan (excellence) toward parents, with a specific prohibition on saying "uff" — an interjection of irritation — when they reach old age, and an instruction to lower the wing of humility to them out of mercy. The Prophetic tradition intensifies this: when asked who is most deserving of a person's good company, the Prophet, peace be upon him, named the mother three times before the father (Sahih al-Bukhari 5971). On the Western side, the picture is measurable rather than moralised: Age UK and ONS wellbeing data have repeatedly documented significant proportions of older people reporting frequent loneliness, and the UK appointed a minister with responsibility for loneliness in 2018 following the Jo Cox Commission report. State the comparison carefully. Many Western families care devotedly for their elderly, many Muslim families neglect theirs, and care homes are sometimes the right and loving choice for complex medical needs. The Islamic claim is about default expectation and enforceable duty, not about family affection, which is universal.
From the Qur'an
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ
Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be excellent to parents. If one or both reach old age with you, do not say to them a word of disrespect.
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ
We have enjoined upon the human being care for his parents.
From the Bible
Hebrew
Honour your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land.
Read it in their BibleFrom the Sunnah
A man asked: who is most deserving of my good company? He said: your mother. He asked: then who? He said: your mother. Then who? Your mother. Then who? Your father.
Sources
Age UK, loneliness research · Jo Cox Commission on Loneliness (2017) · Qur'an 17:23-24; Sahih al-Bukhari 5971
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